Mistresses, Concubines & Little Dragon Ladies

Ah, this is a hot topic for many …… what prompted me to write on this was a newspaper article that appeared today. πŸ˜†

During the imperial times in China, a large number of concubines was a symbol of power. One emperor was even reputed to have 3,600 concubines, and he had to resort to drawing lots to see which lucky concubine will have the blessings to stay the night with him. Even for the lay people, when they have lots of wealth, they would take on a few wives so that they will have more sons to carry down the family name and carry on their businesses.

This practice is thought to have been stamped out after the Communists took power in 1949 in China, although Chairman Mao had many lovers, including his physician. But in recent years, the keeping of mistresses and “ernai” (second wives) appears to be making a comeback.

The Guardian in UK reported last month that a corrupt senior official in Shaanxu province hs been brought down by his 11 mistresses. According to a report in The Beijing News, China is suffering from a plaque of corruption and it was found that corruption and concubines go hand in hand. The highest ranking official to fall from grace in the past year was Chiang Liangyu, who was accused of keeping 2 mistresses and embezzling 3.4 billion yuan (US$480 million). According to a widely-circulated report on the Rednet website, there are 5 motives for China officials to keep a mistress =

1) using their power to play with women

2) showing off

3) addiction to sex

4) perversion

5) a desire to have more children (China has a one-child policy per couple to control their overpopulation).

On the local front in Malaysia, the government at one time suggested allowing girls from China to come and work as domestic maids, like those from Indonesia and Philippines. However, the proposal got shot down by the Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA) Women’s Party because of a lot of negative feedback from their members – there were many cases of young girls who are visiting here on a social pass becoming the mistresses of local married men, especially older men who are pensioners. Most of the times, these men are enticed into draining their pensions and life savings and when this happens, then the girls will move on to their next cash rich target. The oldest age of this male victims was 80 whose mistress was only 24. These girls are now known as “little dragon ladies.”

The Star newspaper here has reported that Wanita MCA chief Datuk Ng as saying that unless clear guidelines on the recruitment for Chinese maids are laid out and the interests of local women protected, the political party wing is against the move for these maids. Ng, however, stressed that the party was in no way showing disrespect to women in China, but was rather taking a realistic stand in looking after the well being and happiness of the local women and ensuring family values were safeguarded. Of course, there were the usual brickbats from wives and husbands who thought their marriage was not susceptible to these little dragon ladies!

Here is a mistress’s account as written by Jonathan Watts and Huang Lisha from Guardian Newspaper Ltd –

Azhen, a 24-year old from Jiangsu province in China has a blog about her life as a concubine in Shenzhen, a city close to Hong Kong. For 3 years, she has been the mistress of a man who is old enough to be her father.

“Society calls us ernai. It is not a job that any of us would have aspired to do as children. Some do it for money. Others for love. Many, like me, do it because they have suffered some cruelty and feel desperate and alone.” Azhen said that she was neglected as a child and her father left her mother before she was born. Although reluctant to reveal how much money he gives her and what kind of apartment he pays for, she says her life has improved.

“He comes to see me if he has the time. If he is busy, he calls me. As long as he is nice to me, he doesn’t need to seduce me with too much money because I am not materialistic.”

But it doesn’t take the little dragon ladies for affairs to happen. I have heard 2 real life experiences from 2 of my friends –

At the funeral

This friend’s father passed away many years ago. During the wake which was held at his home, suddenly a woman turned up with 2 teenaged sons to pay respects to his late father. This woman was sobbing away in front of the coffin and to the family’s shock, it turned out that she was his late father’s mistress. For her to have borne 2 sons who were already in their teens, the affair has been kept a closely guarded secret that came out in the open during the funeral!! Last I heard was that my friend’s family has accepted this “addition” to the family tree as their relatives.

In the next street

This was related to me by my friend 10 years ago. Her neighbour’s husband would come back from work around 5pm every day. Then he would walk his dog for one hour as well as spend some time in the nearby park until 7pm, when he would be back for dinner. Somehow later, it was found out that he has been keeping a mistress in a house in the next street, and he would go visit her everyday! Not sure if they had any children or not…….Β πŸ™„

With peace and harmony,

choesf πŸ˜€


6 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Helena said,

    Sometimes, I can’t understand little dragon ladies. I went thru similar situation, when my ex boyfriend in Indonesia did it to me ( he has an affair with one Indonesian girl but his family anger about it, but he marry her anyway after they have a little girl , that he said he marry her because of an accident). Thanks God, we broke up for good. One thing that I realized, a lot of arrogant man in Indonesia too, they think they have money so they can do what they want to do, unfortunately, a lot of inferior woman in my home country that they always think that most of men are liked that. For me, It is not an excused. I prefer be a single woman than marry to unfaithful man. Back to my experience on reatreat, when I attend family tree reatreat in Indonesia, one of the sources of family sins is when the father or the mother or our descendants did something unfaitful to their spouse. We believe it will effect our family life to 7 next generations. I think it is a karma in Buddhist, Is it right Choesf? It is scarry. They can have a lot of money, but we believe that God will take away their fortune in His way. God always give us opportunities, but He will let us loss everything when we stubborn on His warning. No body perfect, but at least we need faith to God. As out Priest told us, the most important in human life is we respect God and we know deeply in our heart, God know everystep you go and do, so before we do something that againts His will, we can hear Him in our heart . I live in US, but my mom always has new stories about marriage life in my home country. I realized, money is a big issue for most of them. This is the real story, one man who are in woman business in my home country, he has mistresses, the reason of him is, he doesn’t have a son on his first marriage, so he took one of his employee and he has a son and another daughter, but he has another mistress as well. His first wife, she didn’t now that her husband unfaithful till about 3-4 years ago. Also, his late father, he has more than 2 wives. Is it the habits of men, or family tree problems or he does really want a boy? I don ‘t know the answer.



  2. 2

    happyhomemaker88 said,

    My dear Helena, πŸ˜€

    Personally, I think there is a lot of temptation of the flesh (lust, sex) for the man to handle and it will take a lot of control for him to push away such temptations. Sometimes, they just like to feed their male ego when they take on many girlfriends or mistresses……….and I don’t know why, they always fall into the trap whenever their mistresses said that they are pregnant with their babies! πŸ™„ These days, we can do a DNA test to see who the father of a baby is……………but these men are so gullible, their mistresses are controlling them instead.

    I believe in karma and for sure whatever these unfaithful men do to their girlfriends and wives, they will suffer for it sometime later in this life or in the next life.

    I have another story to tell …..this friend’s father is in his 70’s and has been diagnosed 2nd stage lung cancer……you know what, his wife doesn’t want to take care of him and always leave the house to play mahjong at her friend’s house. So, this old man has no wife to take care of him nor cook for him and my friend has to go to her father’s house to take care of him. My friend is married and has 3 children to take care of. The reason why this old man is neglected by his wife? ===> He used to have mistresses and play around with women…..so, now his bad karma has come and bite him in his butt !! God is punishing him.

    A man would have many excuses for womanizing – he wants sons and his wife can’t give him any, his girlfriend or wife is not paying him attention or not interested in sex. He is just being selfish. πŸ™„

    Much peace and joy at home for you, Helena,

    Love and hugs,

    choesf πŸ˜€


  3. 3

    Bruce said,

    You know I look at women and wonder why they think that no matter what they do or do not do they are entitled to fidelity from their husbands. I was a loving husband to my late wife. I cared for her brought her tea every morning and cooked her breakfast every day. In return she never cooked or cleaned the house she gave her children money (from a previous marriage) without consulting me. She gave me sex when I wanted but never lifted a finger to help me when I asked. She had 2 dogs that she cooked for 3 times a day and when I would ask for her to take care of me as I did her she said that I was a grown man and did not need nurturing. I believe we all need nurturing! In short she loved me because I was so good to her but I started to resent her because she gave nothing back to me emotionally.
    After 3 years of this treatment I started to see prostitutes while traveling. It was a Band-Aid over my broken heart. About 3 months ago she found out what I was doing on the road. To say the least it has not gone well. She is the victim and if I try to tell her way I did what I did I am just dirt. The point is if a women doesn’t take care of a man at home someone else will.


  4. 4

    happyhomemaker88 said,

    Hi there and welcome, dear Bruce πŸ˜€

    I am sorry to hear about your relationship with your late wife. When a couple gets married, it is for better or worse and if there is anything wrong in the relationship, they should talk about it and do something to overcome it.

    Fidelity is a very important aspect of marriage as it means trust and love between husband and wife. But if a marriage is not working out, it is falling apart and it is during times like this that fidelity is sorely tested. No third party outside your marriage has the right to advise or judge you as only you and your wife knows exactly what is happening in your marriage.

    I hope you will heal from this and find happiness in your life.

    With peace and harnony,

    choesf πŸ˜€


  5. 5

    The Thane of Towson said,

    Do Go-Betweens arrange marriages between retired concubines and foreigners?


    • 6

      happyhomemaker88 said,

      Hi there and welcome, The Thane of Towson πŸ˜€

      The term “concubines” was used during imperial China times and more for the royal court, like courtesans. They were strictly for the emperors only and lived at the palace until they passed away.

      With best wishes,

      choesf πŸ˜€


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